"The Penny Menace: Penny McPennington's Plot to Monopolize Canadian Coins and Transform Them into 'Penny Pancakes'"

August 19, 2023

In a society that has grappled with everything, from the existential impact of climate change to the indispensability of high-speed internet connectivity, a dire yet often overlooked issue has emerged in the form of an unexpected protagonist – Penny McPennington. McPennington, a seemingly unassuming suburbanite, embodies a malevolence matched only by her scheming passion for, of all things, Canadian coins. The Penny Menace, as she is known in numismatic circles, threatens not merely the integrity of our coinage or the stability of our economy, but also the very essence of our Canadian identity by transforming our beloved coins into what she refers to as 'Penny Pancakes.'

McPennington’s Machiavellian tactics began anticlimactically in a mundane garage sale where she began amassing her hoard of Canadian coins. Her goal? To create a copper monopoly, and consequentially, manipulate the market in her favour and in one swift, economic-gustatory fusion, transform our coins into 'Penny Pancakes.' The immediate question that springs to mind is, understandably – what in Heaven’s name are 'Penny Pancakes'?

Simply put, they are a deadly fusion of economics and breakfast food that threatens to undermine our national identity. These pancakes are made by grounding Canadian coins into a fine powder, which is then added to regular pancake mix. The result? A pancake as rich in treason as it is in copper.

Now, at first glance, this might seem innocuous, even laughable. Why in the world would anyone want to eat pennies, or rather, penny pancakes? Surely, this woman must be simply unhinged, one might scoff. But it is precisely in such dismissive attitudes that the danger lies.

McPennington's plot goes beyond mere culinary eccentricity. It is, in essence, an insidious attempt to depreciate the value of Canadian coins, undermine the economy, and reshape the symbolism our coins embody. Copper, an element that Canadian coins are partly made of, is consumed in minute quantities by her penny pancakes. As her plot mushrooms, the demand for copper will increase, consequently skyrocketing its price.

The peril lies not only in the economic disaster awaiting us but also in the existential threat it poses to our national identity. Our coins, especially the penny, embody something quintessentially Canadian. They are a statement of our national unity, our shared history, and our communal identity. To turn these symbols into breakfast fare disrupts more than just our morning routine; it disrupts the very notions upon which we, as Canadians, are grounded.

Suspiciously, McPennington appears guileless to the uninitiated. She presents her penny pancakes as an innovative solution to what she refers to as the 'burden of coinage' – a burden she herself has created by hoarding coins from circulation. But beneath her smiling facade lies a plot that could potentially toss our economy into a tumult as tumultuous as her harmful pancake batter.

So, what is the solution? It lies in a stoic resistance to this menace. We must defend our coins, our economy, our identity. We must refuse to buy into Penny McPennington's scheme by preserving our pennies and respecting their significance. Additionally, we ought to provide the classic Canadian response, a polite yet firm 'No, thank you' to her insidious penny pancakes.

In conclusion, the Penny Menace lurks not in comic books or dystopian novels but within our very society, veiled behind the camouflage of jest and innocuous pastimes. It is our duty as citizens to recognize this threat, condemn the consumption of coinage in any shape or form, and promote respect for our economy and coins. Only then can we foil Penny McPennington's plot and retain the true value of our Canadian coins.